Temporary self-loathing

Feeling a little helpless. My debit card is MIA, and I feel terrible because I owe people back for drinks, etc. I haven’t brought my wallet out at night for fear of getting money stolen or my card misplaced, or because I just forget to put my wallet in my bag because I suck…so I’ve been using coins and other people to help me out. I feel pretty self-loathing about it right about now. The minute I took my card out at an ATM on Thursday to get money for myself was the last time I remember seeing it. I know I put it in either my jacket or my bag or my backpack. I’ve looked for it everywhere; stripped my bed, cleaned out the shelves, cleaned the desk, looked in my suitcase… basically I’ve frantically freaked out for about an hour now. The only money I have is on debit Visa gift cards which I can’t get any cash from.

This morning was incredible, and it sucks that I’m upset now because of losing my card and feeling crappy about myself. I get so down on myself when things go wrong that I could have prevented. I am incredibly hard on myself and when I do something wrong I feel like I’ve therefore done everything wrong. I’m now nervous about my story, I don’t think it’s good enough and I’m scared that it won’t be good enough before we leave for Madrid. It’s so silly to feel this way, but I can’t help it. 

I’m really trying to ride it out. I’m blogging about it now because I’m in the middle of it, this horrible feeling. I suck! 

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